Verse 1
My mother only had three wheels my father had a little head
My sister she was certified my brother he still wets the bed
My uncle on a whim changed sex in Vietnam
And you wonder why I am the way I am

Verse 2
At Christmas time we never met birthdays we forgot
Funerals we never gave just left them there to rot
Don’t ask me who’s legitimate I think perhaps that’s best
And please accept I’m different to the rest

Chorus 1
But I’m not crazy anymore I took my pills just before
And if you don’t mind I’ll sweep the floor
Doctor with your pinafore

Verse 3
Why do these people think I’m nuts and follow me around
The television talks to me even with no sound
I tell you I’m not paranoid I swear they’ve all got guns
And I’ve got nothing worse than mental runs

Chorus 2
No I’m not crazy honestly I’ll open wide so you can see
My marbles where they’re supposed to be
Rolling round my dignity

Verse 4
So doctor would you let me out I promise I’ll be good
Delusions have all gone away the voices too touch wood
And I only hallucinate when things get kind of slow
So sign the form please Elvis let me go

Chorus 3
No I’m not crazy not at all I’m just having myself a ball
Answering my own true call forgive me if I’m off the wall

Chorus 4
No I’m not crazy don’t you see It’s everybody else not me
No I’m not crazy honestly doowop diddle-o yeehaa whoopee!